Happy Mother’s Day!
Because I am not a psychologist or an expert at anything along those lines, I only have my own experiences to offer. My sons were born in the late 80’s, I was fresh out of the military and 23 years old. When they were growing up, was I a good Mom? No. Was I terrible Mom? I will say yes even though my sons might disagree at least a little bit.
What did I do that was wrong, or made me terrible? I tried to pretend that nothing had happened to me and that I was a normal everyday suburban single Mom. I did my best to do all the things that moms do. I was a cub scout leader, took them to T-Ball games, chaperoned school field trips. I tried to make them smile and laugh as much as possible, this made us seem healthy.
They were so much fun and I was very happy and sad all at the same time. I was physically present but only rarely was I mentally present. How did I mentally check out? I would find someone that was not giving me a second thought and obsess over them. I spent hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of days doing this. What should have been the very best years of my life I spent thinking about people who did not matter. People that did not care about me, and did not even think about me. Meanwhile, I had two beautiful young people right in front of me. They were loving me, needing me and wanting my attention.
This may seem like a strange trauma response, and just plain weird. But, once my work became more challenging, I found a much more typical and socially acceptable way to not be present for my family. Workaholism, deadlines, stress, etc.
If you still have little ones, thank goodness you know about “MST” and that it has far-reaching impacts. Please keep learning and doing your best to be present and as healthy as possible. If you have adult children like me, most of us did our best without any knowledge or support. It was so difficult and it still is today – May God bless us all!
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